I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize