I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
