Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
