I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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