Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
