so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
