whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
