is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize