So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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