I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
