spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
