When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
