Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
