I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
