I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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