swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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