Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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