im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love accidental penises.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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