alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
