Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
there is glitter all over my balls
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