sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
