It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
