I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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