you would pick up someone in the library
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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