Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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