Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
