Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
