is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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