Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
