i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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