I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize