Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
