I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
