babies were throwing up all over the place
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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