Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
