So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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