I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
