I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
