My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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