What a dumb baby whore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
