she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize