Whod you bang
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
