nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
