I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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