When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
