everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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