after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
