Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
