My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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