Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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