Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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