1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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