all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
