So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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