what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize