my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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