I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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