My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
