I am in a vortex of obligation.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
