opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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