So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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