you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
