I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
