I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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