Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
